To Megumi

1. I myself have changed a lot. I just don’t care about it anymore. I don’t need it. It’s all a big fucking joke. Unfortunately not one I can enjoy.
2. But this last shit, this last big shit is your entire fault. And I don’t care what other people might object. IT IS. You know it. In a desperate attempt of making me feel miserable, not only you lost a precious and underestimated friendship, you also conducted yourself into a deep deep state of mind where you cannot long think of anything without considering me. You became suspicious about every friend of yours that has any kind of contact with me. All that misconception about true friendship and compassion are now gone, thanks to you. Thanks to you.
3. I keep trying to find a reason for this madness but I always end up in the same conclusion: pure selfishness. You got fucked by your own spell. But what intrigues me the most is why did I forgive you? It makes no sense whatsoever. You gave me all the reasons to hate you forever and never speak with you again. Yet here I am. Considering you. I hate myself and I wanna die.
4. Why do I keep talking to you? I suppose love have affected me too. Yor bad for me. Even so I’m mean with you and the others, you still forgive me. Instead of trying to change me into a better person, you ignore my bad actions and stay by my side no matter what. You might cry over me once and a while, but you still spoil me. Why can’t you let me go? Why couldn’t I let you go? Am I that weak? I am that weak.
5. So you say you’d change. You actually promised to change. Yet the first move I see is you meddling other’s business on Komari’s formspring. How do you think that makes me feel? I guess you just don’t care anymore, do ya’? Fucking tard. It doesn’t matter the answer. NOT OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS YOU SICKO!
6. I am sorry. Sorry I brought you to this world of luxury and misunderstanding. This should have never happened. My wish for that time machine hasn’t changed. I wish I hadn’t met you and destroyed both of our lives that autumn day. I lie on the ground at this very moment, while my mind hits the bottom of rationality. I quote:

   You make me hot;
   You belong to me;
   Even so I hate you;
   I still want to be with you.
   

7. That said, how could you possibly like someone like me? i'm such a jerk. A heartless conceited bastard.
8. Fuck me.